OK! Since so many writers of profiles are trying to tell you how nice they are, here's one profile something different.

I'm nasty! I make a point of stepping on my cat's tail every morning when I get up. It's a pleasant start to my morning commute, when I honk and gesticulate wildly from the comfort of my fully equipped Hummer… D'Oh! Did you hear GM is winding down the Hummer brand? Gasp! Now, I'm emotional...

When it comes to life, world, and everything, I have absolutely no sense of humour... no wait... I have an ill sense of humour. I'll sneer at anyone, especially those who cross my path, and my students, and my cat, and the neighbour's dog who's "Do" I keep stepping into. A pox on those woodpeckers too that keep knocking holes in my siding, and the squirrels that move in. I must find a recipe for all them critters, though not if they have the pox.

I live to work and work and work. It keeps me from being distracted by new experiences. A pox on new experiences!

I revel in the triple "A"; arrogance, apathy and – ah, heck – what's that other one!

I have a most adequate and competent evil eye. In fact, it is thanks to that evil... no... EVIL glint in my eye, and my beautiful and well-shaven noggin, that those who've crossed me also know me as Dr. Evil. If you doubt my text, gaze upon my gallery photos.

It would be smashing (literally) to find someone of similar distemper so we can terrorize helpless little animals, and the highway, and the world as a team. I promise I'll not call you MiniMe; too often!

I always respond to emails, but I am single and childless and assume you are too. After the contact, let's chat over a drink rather than email. It saves on misreads of text and tone, and you'll find me all the nastier, as I'll find you.

Now, where's that cat? I need a pillow – here kitty kitty!

Still transfixed with life, universe, and everything, and always with a very manly – ah – evil twinkle in the eye,?
– one nasty Clumsy Poet (:-{

Epilogue: It's rather a big funny that so many of us put ourselves "out there" for the world to see through the online dating scene, don't you think? I should know, since I've tried it a while, and I'm still terrified my students will find out. Sitting down at the computer trying to compose a sequence of words that will best describe you/me to that potentially significant other should be enough to bring a sheepish grin, and quickly soon a chuckle. Have you noticed that it's not all true, since it's so easy to write what you want, or state your friends wrote it (or your cat). For many, what people want may also not actually be what they routinely pick? To attract, I've tried the serious and good hearted for the longest time, and then I tried humour. My try at reverse psychology laced with my own brand of sarcasmic humour is just another stage; isn't it all about acting until you find the one who appreciates you for you – sigh! At least I still have my cat, and my Kia, and my kayak, and my bike to stuff in my kayak, and – and I still have my students who laugh at most of my funnies. Wait a minute; they're laughing at me?! What the heck…